An Open Letter To A Blocked Friend

I know you think I’m a horrible person, although you used to call me your best friend. To be honest, I was never really comfortable with that title. I guess, by default, I was your best friend because you had driven away everyone else. Hold on before you claim that I’m lying, because you told me this yourself on several occasions. I truly am sorry that you are having troubles in your life, but I have problems of my own to deal with. As I have said before, so many times, I cannot be your therapist. Surely I cannot be the only person that has suggested you seek professional help from someone with the tools to give you the help you need. Let me be clear: there is no doubt that you need more help than you are accepting.

A friendship is a relationship that is more than one person dominating the other. That’s not how any relationship is supposed to work. If you haven’t already deleted all the texts between us, perhaps you should look them over. If you can be honest with yourself, you will see that I really tried to help you. It’s a shame that you were too busy telling me how to live by the rules you say you believe in. When I tell you, as I have so many times and in so many ways, that I think a large part of your problems are created by trying to live by rules you don’t truly agree with, maybe this time you will hear me. Unfortunately, your desperation to be liked is far too needy and only proves to do the opposite of what you want. You have told me that you want to be liked for who you are. Do you even know who that is?

Being alone doesn’t have to be lonely. When you are alone, it gives you a chance to see who you really are. It’s easy to be with someone you like. If you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, what does that tell you? Why should you expect others to like you more than you like yourself? Forcing people to act the way you expect in order for you to accept them as a friend, makes you a bully. You act as if I should always put your needs above everyone else in my life, including myself. That’s simply not fair.

The truth is that we never knew each other very well. If it weren’t for social media, we wouldn’t know each other at all at this point in our lives. In fact, you still don’t really know me. You are far too judgmental for me to ever feel comfortable enough to open up to you. Making assumptions about someone is not the same as listening. Even when it’s in text. Right there. Written out in plain English, yet totally avoided. Unacceptable, to use your favorite word. Yet, one last time, I make an attempt to reach out.

It is far too stressful for me to be your friend. Everyone in my life has convinced me that it has been causing me more problems than I can handle. Yet, I still care about you. It is not within my nature to be mean to someone who is so obviously hurting. I have tried to help you for years. For the last several months I have tried to tell you how I feel. I have anguished over this final decision to block you from my life. I still find it very sad that I had to take such a drastic step, but I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally exhausted.

Hopefully some day you will be the someone you can love. Perhaps then you can get past all the things you use to build your wall against the world, and be happy. Yes, even now, I still want you to be happy. You can choose to see the good in life instead of focusing on the negative. If your life isn’t working the way you want, make changes. Don’t hide behind excuses all the time. Be honest with yourself. Think before you try to communicate. Even if you fail, at least you tried. As for me, I know that I tried as hard and long as I could.

I honestly wish you well. If only it was that easy.

Good bye and good luck.